Men are from heaven and Women is from... hell probably?

There was a facebook post very recently which said - “There are only 842 girls left for every 1000 boys ,so lets save girls .. We can save tigers later”!

At first ,like everybody I did smile reading it ,but then later when I thought about it ,I felt this for sure is not funny and had a blatant message in it.With regards to the same , I would like to cite few 'husband-wife' conversations (verbatim might not have been the same though)which I had come across over the past few months during our visit to few of our friend's place after coming over to Netherlands and to which I was completely speechless.

First Conversation: Wife: Wouldn't it be a great idea to call my parents to our house in this new country as they can afford a 15 days off and spend time with us ,also go around the new place as they have never been on an international trip? Husband: Oh absolutely! But not until my parents visit our house first as they might feel bad that the girl's parents have come first wherein it is their right to be here first ... Wife:Who created this rule ? I am also the only daughter to my parents ?And they have bought me up the same way as would have your parents.So whats wrong in they coming over first ?Now that we are life partners , we have equal right as far as this house is concerned. We would have your parents come over as well .. Husband: I completely understand but this is what our customs , traditions and values are!End of the day , girls are girls and boys are boys...

Second Conversation: Husband: Hey , we need to take care of my parents and have them in our house in their old age as they cannot be with their daughters. Wife: Yeah , we would take care of them well .Don't worry.We need to take care of my parents as well as I am the only daughter and they have nobody else to take care of them . Husband: Sure, we would,financially, emotionally etc ! But they cannot stay in our house when my parents are here..It is not right! Its the duty of boys to take care of their parents . Wife: Oh why isn't it vice versa? Who created this rule? Where will my parents go?They have bought me up the same way as your parents would have, then why this difference? Husband: You are right ! This is what our customs , traditions and values say!End of the day , girls are girls and boys are boys...

Apparently the people involved in this conversation are supposedly the most educated, highly paid and belong to the most elite strata of our society. True! Perhaps,they are only educated and not literate, they are surely the elite class of people by mind but not by heart.When the thought process of this class of people can be such,no wonder why female infanticide is on an alarming increase.

I often used to think how can a mother kill her baby but listening to few conversations like the above mentioned ones, I feel its somewhere fair. All mothers think in the best interest of her child and she probably feels, its better to kill the girl inside the womb or probably during the early stages rather than she dying each moment in her life

Its just not the dowry or our lavish marriages that horrifies the parents when a girl is born but such male chauvinistic approach which makes girl getting born a curse. When such things can exist at the well to do class of people , its absolutely believable that it would exist in the lower, illiterate and poor strata of the society.

This male chauvinistic approach has its roots in the vedas of our mythology for two reasons:

a: Vansh Vriddi- Only when a son is born , can the family grow .There was news flashing recently congratulating 'The Bachchan Family', on being blessed with a baby girl which was really nice. But parallely there was also a news wherein at Allahabad,in addition to blessing the new born with sound health and prosperity,people were performing pooja to pray and ensure that the next child born in the Bachchan family is definitely a boy so that the family name is sustained.

b.Right to do Karma -Life of a man is accepted to be completed successfully only when a son is born since only he has the rights to do 'karma'-last rituals after death and only after which the soul is believed to rest in peace.

Interestingly I came to know about these so precisely during my 'Godh Bharai' ceremony when we insisted the pandit reciting the vedas to replace the mantra with 'Putri'(girl) instead of Putr(boy) as we already knew during the scan at Singapore that its going to be girl baby for us.To this ,the pandit replied firmly that the vedas cannot be changed the way we want. Though you know its a girl baby ,we would still retain it the way it is so that atleast the next baby born to you both is a boy since Godh Bharai is done for the first issue only.

Its said that women is a gift of God and that she teaches the world what caring , sharing and loving is all about but then same gift of God is considered to be an asset but definitely not an important one in the family.

-Its definitely not a cake walk for a young girl getting married leaving her family,her home ,good old memories ,that unconditional love and comfort and getting adapted to the new family, new home , new culture .

But she does it happily!

-Its not easy for the newly wed daughter-in-law to create the right balance by giving due importance to all in the new family and treating them as their own right from day 1 in the house .

But she manages it beautifully!

-Its so much difficult for a mother to undergo the pain of delivering a baby and then bringing him/her up at the cost of spoiling her health,carrier etc.

But she does it passionately!

-It is so tensing for a mother to see her princess,whom she had bought up with all the possible luxuries in the world getting married and wishing she is treated the same way, infact one percent more if possible, and that she happily settles down.

But she does this gracefully !

-It is so much disturbing for the newly wed daughter-in-law to digest the rule that after marriage all the money she earns should only be for the new family and that she henceforth cannot help her family back home, financially ,physically or emotionally as this might create differences and disturb the harmony in her new family but the same rule doesn't hold good for the boy, as for him ,its termed as his 'responsibility'.Even though the parents of the girl would have put in the same amount of money and passion to educate their daughter,it doesn't matter .

But she accepts this as well , though with a heavy heart !

-Its so much annoying for the mother of a girl,to come in terms with the fact that she does not have any right over her daughter after marriage as compared to the mother of a boy ,who reiterates the fact now and then , that she is supreme and that there is every right for the wife over her son's life,love ,decisions, finance, home but mind it, only after her!

She(daughter-in-law) respects this as well!

Now the last point opens up yet another topic for discussion which has been hovering over ages about the tension involved in 'Saas Vs Bahu' equation ( Mother- in- law Vs Daughter- in -law) .The reason to some extent is that the expectation has not been set right since the beginning.Similar to the parents of the girl who have their expectation set and have this imbibed in their mind since Day 1, that once their girl is married, they need to take a backstage and let her go ,not because of the age old belief that the girl never belongs to them,but due to the fact that only then she will have the confidence and room to take up her new life, get her equation of love and trust with the new man in her life correct so she is comfortable enough to share all the joys and sorrows with him, take passionate ressponsibility of her children so that she could bring them up in the best possible manner by imbibing the right culture in them and end of it all , lead a peaceful and happy life!And parents of a girl are happy seeing their princess lead a happy life.In the same way,the parents of a boy also should set their expectation right as by not doing this they are ruining their son's peace of mind by making him struggle creating the right balance between mother and his wife which eventually leads to a tussle in his personal family life. Its sometimes nice to give it away.

So to all the lovely Mother -in -laws (kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi!)

Its so expected of you to create that perfect space and comfort for the daughter in law since you have been through all the stages of womenhood yourself.Parents are always supreme ,their position cannot be taken by anybody and the more you let it go , the love between you and your son is going to increase leaps and bounds .The more you get closer to your daughter in law and give her the comfort to treat you like her mother, the better the family equation is going to be...Take that from me ! So please do not get into the 'competition mode ' and become insecure and jealous that your son's wife is leading a better life than you did at the cost of your sacrifice and effort to educate your son! Every generation will have better things coming their way.

To all the loving husbands

Its always a welcome for a girl if just not her , even her parents and family is treated and taken care well by you . A women is an epitome of sacrifice and happiness. If you give her 100% , she will ensure that she returns it to you with a percent more . Lets take the best from our culture and traditions. They are meant to bring happiness in the family but if the same is hurting somebody and bringing sorrow,then they are not even worth considering.

With regards to this ,I would like to quote few lines from Mr.Vikram Karve's(a creative creative person with a zest for life, is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer) blog on Customs,traditions and rituals.

http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2011/11/customs-traditions-and-rituals.html

He begins it beautifully by mentioning-

“In the name of tradition, we unquestioningly perform so many customs and rituals without understanding the spirit behind the ritual.

A ritual is an action performed purely for symbolic value.

In many cases there is no logic or rational explanation for the ritual.” 

Well this entire blog is based on the examples I have come across and which I feel forms the majority. But their definitely is an exception layer and I would really want to thank God that I belong to this layer . I sincerely wish and hope , being a mother of a girl baby , that all the girls in this world fall into this layer and help make it 100%,only then will this world become a happy and better place to live in !Probably only then we will be able to think about saving Tigers::)  

“Moong Dal “ From Moni's Kitchen

                                      “Moong Dal “ From Moni's Kitchen

My blog this time is to do with cooking , a recipe which to my surprise was made within minutes!We had dropped into our friend's house last evening to greet them for Diwali.Though this was a very unplanned visit but eventually turned out to be one of the most loveliest and simplest dinner ever.Trust me ,even a planned dinner could not have been better!

Like Tarla Dalal's recipe, I would name it the “Recipe From Moni's Kitchen”. Yes that's name of my friend who made this dal and let me tell you she cooks amazingly delicious ,mouthwatering , quick and easy to make dishes.

I am not sure how many of you would know about this simple recipe but this was definitely new to me , so I thought I would share this with all those people who relish eating dal everyday but somehow avoid making it, thinking about all hassle of cutting onions and tomatoes!

Ingredients needed:

2 cup ghee roasted Moong dal

4 vertically slitted green chilly

1/2 cup grated coconut

1/2 teaspoon turmeric powder

Finely chopped ginger

Salt to taste

For garnishing:

3 teaspoon oil

1/2 teaspoon cumin seeds

1 /2 teaspoon mustard seeds

1/4 teaspoon fennel seeds

2-3 dry red chilly

2 teaspoon Jeera powder dissolved in water

1 teaspoon ghee

1/2 cup chopped coriander leaves.

2-3 Bay Leaf

Procedure:

1.Pressure cook the roasted Moong Dal until it becomes soft.

2.When cooked , add 3 cups of hot boiling water to it.

3.To this mixture , add grated coconut , turmeric powder , green chilly,finely chopped ginger,salt and bring to boil for 5 minutes.

4.In another pan , add oil .When the oil becomes hot,add the red chilly and wait until it changes its color to slight black. Then add , cumin seeds , mustard seeds, fennel seeds,bayleaf and cumin powder dissolved in water to it.

5.Pour this into the Moong Dal mixture and cook it for 5 minutes .

7.Add ghee to the Dal and let it boil for another 5 minutes.

8.Finally add the chopped coriander leaves.

You can serve this Dal with parathas or rice ,

I am sure this is just a beginning of lot more to come and I would share many of her recipes(with her permission , ofcourse )with all of you so that life gets much easier and delicious ,as far as cooking is concerned. This as well serves the purpose of my blog-Keeps It Simple and Smart!

10 Ways To Entertain and Get Entertained Rather trying to just get Entertained!

Ever since I have attained motherhood , I have been wondering as to why most of the babies cry when they see a new face for the first time or the same face every-time. Though by heart I knew the reason , but never was able to explicitly convince anybody.

My daughter who is 5 months old now , demands a lot of comfort and wants to be treated like big people. She hates to be picked up by people and this especially becomes an issue when people come to see her for the first time.One example where I realized that she wants to be independent , by her own is when I made her to stand up on her own legs for a few minutes and trust me , the happiness on her face & the pride in her eyes made me to literally understand the significance of the phrase 'Standing up on your own legs'.

She is at her best when you play with her the way she wants to -make funny faces, sing to her nursery rhymes (Eeiya Eeiya O is her favourite one),talk to her non stop like you talk to your friends,narrate her as to how your day went etc and trust me, you will have a ball of a time but then if it's not that ways ,then you are in for some major upset.

Last evening was a time when my realization cap got switched on and I was able to coin the term – "Entertain & Get Entertained Rather trying to just get entertained!"

1.Do Not Act Selfish: Each baby has its own play pattern.Try innovative ways of playing with the baby and making them enjoy.But if the baby does not like it ,its generally up to an individual to quickly get acclimatized to how they behave. If for the first time , the baby feels a slight discomfort , its a wise idea to try couple of other things that would please them and in this way enjoy your time. If they still resist , I would suggest one should check with their parents /caretaker as to what that baby's playing pattern is , (as they are the people who spend all their time with the baby )and according try getting into that rhythm. Even then if the baby is unsettled, I would say -Better Luck next time. Its simply not your day.But most of the people I have seen so far , do not want to make an effort to understand the baby's play pattern.They persuade the baby to play with them the way they would like it ,even when the baby does not relish the same.I

2.Planned & Short Duration Visits:Its always better to check with the parents as to what might possibly be a good time to visit the baby and spend some good time playing with him/her. Unplanned visits cause a great discomfort to not only the baby but also to us.However planned the trip is, one should try to keep it as short and sweet as possible.Now that we are mostly influenced by Western culture, why not getting into the practice of this as well not only incase of a baby but evenotherwise.

3.Room for privacy:If the baby still seems unsettled and the caregiver feels the baby needs to be fed,its always a decent move to step out of the room for sometime as for most of the baby's seeing people around is a great distraction .Also this move might make our visit much enjoyable.

4. Have Patience:Allow the baby to spend some time to observe you and get used to your face rather than just jumping onto them as expecting them to start smiling and playing with you from day 1,the moment you enter the house, is not fair.

5.Lower Decibel Levels:Do not try to make too much noise when you are near the baby as loud noise tends to irritate the baby.Keep your voice as calm as possible ad avoid too many people talking at the same time.

6. Mind your kids: Small children always see babies like a toy . They might persuade you to keep the baby in their lap for few minutes. Do not try to entertain your kid at somebody else's baby cost.Do not allow the kids to get very close to the baby Never allow this as accidents do not happen with prior information .

7. Clean and Clear:Always use a sanitizer before going close to the baby. Incase you have any infection/fever/cold , please do not force yourself near the baby.

8.No eatables inside:Always refrain from eating or drinking when the baby is near you.

9.Mind Your Hands:Do not feed the baby anything by yourself even if our customs and tradition force you to. For e.g. When one sees the baby for the first time, it is customary to give sugar to the baby .Never use your hands to put anything in to their mouth directly ,as this action is highly prone to infection. Check with the baby's parents as to how they want to do it , if it all it is necessary and incase if they resist , it would not be unfair not to thrust the same on them.

10. Mind Yourself and Treat Babies Like Human Beings: Babies are adorable. Everybody wants to cuddle the baby and forever keep them in our lap. But then excess of everything is bad and so it is advisable to keep it simple and smart. Each individual has a unique way of lifting the baby which might cause discomfort to them. Put them on the bed /floor and play with them.

This blog of mine might seem like a babycentre.com to most of us but then my intention was to list a few things that I am currently experiencing ,for those people for whom baby handling has been quite sometime in the past and who knows after few years this might come handy to me as well.

And yes, when it comes to baby handling, there might another dozen of things one can add on.You may try a lot of permutations and combination to this list .Whatever it is , please always keep this mantra handy- "Entertain & Get Entertained Rather trying to just get Entertained" and trust me by this you will mutually get benefitted!

A day in the life of India - Not a pleasant morning (03-02-11)

This appeared in the front page of the Times of India Edition on February 3rd , 2011 - " A day in the life of India"- Bizzarre .Overloaded.Technicolor.Chaotic.Golmaal.Jugaad.Chaltha hai-You would run out of India before you but you could run out of words!

Though we need to face the harsh reality but as an Indian ,this article early in the morning on the front page is not at all a pleasant beginning to a good morning. India is known to have the largest democracy in the world where we have the power to choose and change the government at our will yet we are not the best . This forces me to think -' Is too much democracy not correct?'

Also how do other countries manage themselves so well?I have been living in Singapore since past few months and seeing the way how this place functions, I sometimes feel so guilty as to why India should not be as wonderful as this place,with so many efficient brains present here? Every time I ask this question , the standard response I receive from all ,within a wink of an eye is that India is a very big country with large population .Its a cakewalk maintaining a small country with a small population base like Singapore! And whenever I hear this, I beg to differ on this....Excuse me !Its definitely not a cakewalk!! Why can't we look at this with a slightly different approach- Smaller country means lesser fund inflow as compared to a big country like India. So if we think logically its all the same at the end of the day... So when they can, why can't we?

Is the intent to make India the best place to live in , not there amongst us?Or do we don't know the definition of 'best'.India got its independence in 1947 as compared to Singapore which got its independence in 1965 and since then there has been no stopping for them!

This blog is definitely not to demean India and praise other international countries!Since I have not stayed in any other international country other than Singapore, all I can wish and want is that why shouldn't we adopt their ways and means of running the country so that ours is also as beautiful and processed as their's.

 The way these countries make things look so simple that any Indian , howsoever proud he is to be an Indian,he will always want to lead a quality and simplified life like Singapore and just keep wondering without a clue as to why India should not be as lovely as them with all the resources in abundance.

Few of my memorable experiences-

Airport Facilities:

- When I entered Singapore , the first thing extremely admirable was the airport ofcourse and then the speed at which the immigration check is done within seconds and the baggages ready to be picked within microseconds! And while I was doing all this, the best part was that I could see my husband waving his hand at me .He could see me from the point of immigration till exit..WOW!

-Similarly when I was coming back to India , all my loved ones could see and wave goodbye to me beyond the immigration point as well which made me wonder if they could see me off till the boarding point .This was so encouraging for sure.

Transport Facilities 

-I cannot find a word better than 'fantabulous' if such a word could exist in our dictionary. I would love to travel in the MRT and buses,all through the day rather than being at home as the seats and the air conditioning is unimaginably comfortable . The travel card called the ezlink card that they provide acts like a debit card;wherein you need to charge currency and it will automatically charge the travel fare once you swipe in at the start of the travel and swipe out at your destination which you cannot afford to pretend and forget as you are charged for the longest fare at the beginning itself! Trust me you are strictly monitored for a swipe in ,the moment you enter .This saves one from the long queue and frustration.And most importantly,one need not stand and argue with the auto rickshaw guys on the fare amount.All the cabs have a tested meter ,which works without cheating the customer.

Sewage and Wastage Disposal

It rains almost everyday and the moment rain stops, within minutes you would not have trace of water anywhere.Its clean and green as ever.

The first few days at my house in Singapore was funny. As ever , I thought waste disposal needs to be kept outside home for somebody to pick it up and throw it off in the big bin which would be kept in some corner in India. One day I forgot to throw the waste off and this came in for high criticism in my housing society. On finding out the reason , I was told that there is a pit beneath the sink in the kitchen from where if the waste things are thrown , it will automatically go into the big bin downstairs. This was an amazing piece of learning and how I wished if the same could be replicated in all the apartments in India.

Imparting good values and manner 

Three values commonly tried to impart via posters ,banners etc-

a.Stand in a Queue and allow the people getting down from the bus/train to come out first.

b.Be gracious enough to give your seat to the old people,pregnant women and people carrying small babies.

c.Learn to pass a warm smile to all you get eye to eye with and say hello.(Trust me, you would not have too many people looking at you even if you are crazily dressed.They wouldn't mind looking at the walls while they walk but would not want to look at you )

Preventing fraud and crime

Each person is tracked there with a unique FIN number which is provided immediately you enter the country .All the transactions ,activities etc is tracked by this number. I was told by one of my friend that her husband was not allowed to leave the country as he had 4$ due for the library books .India was assured that all transaction will be tracked via social security number by 2011!.Are you listening Mr.Nilkeni?

It seems that with a population base of about 5,076,7000 by end of 2010 as mentioned by the Times Series , the number of pending cases is just a two digit number and no case is pending in the court for more than a month! 

Also nobody dares to commit a crime there as the punishment seems to be atrociously strict.Its a place where you are not monitored explicitly.Do whatever you want till it is right and if you tend to commit a mistake even mistakenly, you will be caught! For example,people don't  throw a piece of paper even by mistake down outside as they prefer to put it in their pockets and dispose it off in the dustbin. You cannot see anybody eating or drinking in the MRT's as it is punishable.

Depending on the intensity of the mistake, the punishment ranges from a minimum of $300 to maximum harshest extent, which I have understood from the local people , that the punishment cannot get cruel than this!

No wonder the place is extensively clean!

Clean and Green

The stringent punishments and strict rules has cultivated good habits in the hearts and minds of all.And when you go to that place even as a tourist, you will be forced to be clean and keep the place around you clean.Trust me, when you come back to India after a short span of stay there, you will spend most of your time cleaning the house as the slightest of dirt will irritate you.

I have always wondered as to why people say its nice to have a bright sunny morning.Ah....you will realize soon once you there ,that bright sunny morning without any pollution and fresh air is a real welcome .It definitely makes your day.

The trees are planted evenly in a planned manner and I was told that all the trees and plants are insured by the Government .You cannot afford to pluck a flower until and unless you want to get into the 'mistake' category as mentioned above.

Amenities

The electricity supply has not even tripped for a microsecond since last 25 years ! HUH.... Yes this is so true. The internet speed is faster than lightening,Trust me...

I was visiting a gynecologist after taking prior appointment at 9 AM in the morning. I reached the place in time and I was asked to meet the doctor at 9:05  AM .When I was heading in ,the receptionist apologized to me .I was taken aback .I asked her the reason for apology and she said-"Sorry mam,we wasted your 5 minutes" ! Trust me ,after this incident , I for the first time ,understood the importance of time and the need to be punctual.

 With their exemplary method of running the country, not only Singapore is the 2nd richest county in Asia as compared to India which stands No.19 but also they cultivate those good values in everyone.

I wish and I am sure , with all of us experiencing such facilities and the want to live a luxurious lifestyle ,will make each of us put in ,our own effort and make India the best place to live in !