There was a facebook post very recently which said - “There are only 842 girls left for every 1000 boys ,so lets save girls .. We can save tigers later”!
At first ,like everybody I did smile reading it ,but then later when I thought about it ,I felt this for sure is not funny and had a blatant message in it.With regards to the same , I would like to cite few 'husband-wife' conversations (verbatim might not have been the same though)which I had come across over the past few months during our visit to few of our friend's place after coming over to Netherlands and to which I was completely speechless.
| First Conversation: Wife: Wouldn't it be a great idea to call my parents to our house in this new country as they can afford a 15 days off and spend time with us ,also go around the new place as they have never been on an international trip? Husband: Oh absolutely! But not until my parents visit our house first as they might feel bad that the girl's parents have come first wherein it is their right to be here first ... Wife:Who created this rule ? I am also the only daughter to my parents ?And they have bought me up the same way as would have your parents.So whats wrong in they coming over first ?Now that we are life partners , we have equal right as far as this house is concerned. We would have your parents come over as well .. |
| Second Conversation: Husband: Hey , we need to take care of my parents and have them in our house in their old age as they cannot be with their daughters. Wife: Yeah , we would take care of them well .Don't worry.We need to take care of my parents as well as I am the only daughter and they have nobody else to take care of them . Husband: Sure, we would,financially, emotionally etc ! But they cannot stay in our house when my parents are here..It is not right! Its the duty of boys to take care of their parents . Wife: Oh why isn't it vice versa? Who created this rule? Where will my parents go?They have bought me up the same way as your parents would have, then why this difference? Husband: You are right ! This is what our customs , traditions and values say!End of the day , girls are girls and boys are boys... |
Apparently the people involved in this conversation are supposedly the most educated, highly paid and belong to the most elite strata of our society. True! Perhaps,they are only educated and not literate, they are surely the elite class of people by mind but not by heart.When the thought process of this class of people can be such,no wonder why female infanticide is on an alarming increase.
I often used to think how can a mother kill her baby but listening to few conversations like the above mentioned ones, I feel its somewhere fair. All mothers think in the best interest of her child and she probably feels, its better to kill the girl inside the womb or probably during the early stages rather than she dying each moment in her life
Its just not the dowry or our lavish marriages that horrifies the parents when a girl is born but such male chauvinistic approach which makes girl getting born a curse. When such things can exist at the well to do class of people , its absolutely believable that it would exist in the lower, illiterate and poor strata of the society.
This male chauvinistic approach has its roots in the vedas of our mythology for two reasons:
a: Vansh Vriddi- Only when a son is born , can the family grow .There was news flashing recently congratulating 'The Bachchan Family', on being blessed with a baby girl which was really nice. But parallely there was also a news wherein at Allahabad,in addition to blessing the new born with sound health and prosperity,people were performing pooja to pray and ensure that the next child born in the Bachchan family is definitely a boy so that the family name is sustained.
b.Right to do Karma -Life of a man is accepted to be completed successfully only when a son is born since only he has the rights to do 'karma'-last rituals after death and only after which the soul is believed to rest in peace.
Interestingly I came to know about these so precisely during my 'Godh Bharai' ceremony when we insisted the pandit reciting the vedas to replace the mantra with 'Putri'(girl) instead of Putr(boy) as we already knew during the scan at Singapore that its going to be girl baby for us.To this ,the pandit replied firmly that the vedas cannot be changed the way we want. Though you know its a girl baby ,we would still retain it the way it is so that atleast the next baby born to you both is a boy since Godh Bharai is done for the first issue only.
Its said that women is a gift of God and that she teaches the world what caring , sharing and loving is all about but then same gift of God is considered to be an asset but definitely not an important one in the family.
-Its definitely not a cake walk for a young girl getting married leaving her family,her home ,good old memories ,that unconditional love and comfort and getting adapted to the new family, new home , new culture .
But she does it happily!
-Its not easy for the newly wed daughter-in-law to create the right balance by giving due importance to all in the new family and treating them as their own right from day 1 in the house .
But she manages it beautifully!
-Its so much difficult for a mother to undergo the pain of delivering a baby and then bringing him/her up at the cost of spoiling her health,carrier etc.
But she does it passionately!
-It is so tensing for a mother to see her princess,whom she had bought up with all the possible luxuries in the world getting married and wishing she is treated the same way, infact one percent more if possible, and that she happily settles down.
But she does this gracefully !
-It is so much disturbing for the newly wed daughter-in-law to digest the rule that after marriage all the money she earns should only be for the new family and that she henceforth cannot help her family back home, financially ,physically or emotionally as this might create differences and disturb the harmony in her new family but the same rule doesn't hold good for the boy, as for him ,its termed as his 'responsibility'.Even though the parents of the girl would have put in the same amount of money and passion to educate their daughter,it doesn't matter .
But she accepts this as well , though with a heavy heart !
-Its so much annoying for the mother of a girl,to come in terms with the fact that she does not have any right over her daughter after marriage as compared to the mother of a boy ,who reiterates the fact now and then , that she is supreme and that there is every right for the wife over her son's life,love ,decisions, finance, home but mind it, only after her!
She(daughter-in-law) respects this as well!
Now the last point opens up yet another topic for discussion which has been hovering over ages about the tension involved in 'Saas Vs Bahu' equation ( Mother- in- law Vs Daughter- in -law) .The reason to some extent is that the expectation has not been set right since the beginning.Similar to the parents of the girl who have their expectation set and have this imbibed in their mind since Day 1, that once their girl is married, they need to take a backstage and let her go ,not because of the age old belief that the girl never belongs to them,but due to the fact that only then she will have the confidence and room to take up her new life, get her equation of love and trust with the new man in her life correct so she is comfortable enough to share all the joys and sorrows with him, take passionate ressponsibility of her children so that she could bring them up in the best possible manner by imbibing the right culture in them and end of it all , lead a peaceful and happy life!And parents of a girl are happy seeing their princess lead a happy life.In the same way,the parents of a boy also should set their expectation right as by not doing this they are ruining their son's peace of mind by making him struggle creating the right balance between mother and his wife which eventually leads to a tussle in his personal family life. Its sometimes nice to give it away.
So to all the lovely Mother -in -laws (kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi!)
Its so expected of you to create that perfect space and comfort for the daughter in law since you have been through all the stages of womenhood yourself.Parents are always supreme ,their position cannot be taken by anybody and the more you let it go , the love between you and your son is going to increase leaps and bounds .The more you get closer to your daughter in law and give her the comfort to treat you like her mother, the better the family equation is going to be...Take that from me ! So please do not get into the 'competition mode ' and become insecure and jealous that your son's wife is leading a better life than you did at the cost of your sacrifice and effort to educate your son! Every generation will have better things coming their way.
To all the loving husbands
Its always a welcome for a girl if just not her , even her parents and family is treated and taken care well by you . A women is an epitome of sacrifice and happiness. If you give her 100% , she will ensure that she returns it to you with a percent more . Lets take the best from our culture and traditions. They are meant to bring happiness in the family but if the same is hurting somebody and bringing sorrow,then they are not even worth considering.
With regards to this ,I would like to quote few lines from Mr.Vikram Karve's(a creative creative person with a zest for life, is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer) blog on Customs,traditions and rituals.
http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2011/11/customs-traditions-and-rituals.html
He begins it beautifully by mentioning-
“In the name of tradition, we unquestioningly perform so many customs and rituals without understanding the spirit behind the ritual.
A ritual is an action performed purely for symbolic value.
In many cases there is no logic or rational explanation for the ritual.”
Well this entire blog is based on the examples I have come across and which I feel forms the majority. But their definitely is an exception layer and I would really want to thank God that I belong to this layer . I sincerely wish and hope , being a mother of a girl baby , that all the girls in this world fall into this layer and help make it 100%,only then will this world become a happy and better place to live in !Probably only then we will be able to think about saving Tigers::)
